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Teen Tantrums- Snippets

It's not easy....

Parents of difficult teenagers sometimes feel totally exhausted. It can feel like an impossible situation to be in, because nothing you do or say as a parent is “right”, “fair” or “good”.

Maybe, the reality of most conflict situations is that there is so much “stuff” going on underneath the surface, that it doesn’t help to try and fix anything on the surface - and that is part of what is so exhausting.

Sometimes teens are battling their own “demons” and although they are not equipped to deal with them, they do not trust anyone to help them with it. Maybe, at a deeper level, they easily feel betrayed (justified or not)?

As parents, we must remember that perception is reality to the person who holds that perception. It is true and real for them - whether we share their beliefs of not.

Within a short period of time, challenging teenagers will have no choice but to get a hold on their lives - the closer they get to 18.

They will have to get out of the passenger seat and get behind the wheel of their lives.

They are old enough to stop playing the victim and to take responsibility for themselves.

As parents, we just need to keep on trying to equip them with the skills they will need to be well adjusted adults. Unfortunately, that's our job and we cannot abdicate from it (although we sometimes want to!).

We have to stick to Consistency, Dependability and Predictability. Those are the structures children (including teenagers) need.

It is not easy, but we have to apply these 3 parameters to give them a feeling of safety.

We have to stop and think:

  • are we breaking the structure of Consistency, Dependability and Predictability and therefore confusing them by sending mixed signals?

  • are we applying appropriate consequences in order to re-establish the parameters?

  • are we allowing and "enabling" them to behave in certain ways that might be unacceptable?

  • are we rewarding their bad behaviour?

  • are we setting a positive example of how to behave appropriately - especially in conflict situations?

Easier said than done - I know from experience!

The focus of the snippet-series will be on the "rationale" behind their behaviour - the biological foundation of many of their behavioural patterns. We will also explore skills and ideas that parents / teachers can use in terms of understanding and strengthening relationships with teens.

Watch this space: Teen Tantrums - Snippet 1 will follow soon!

Annecke Redelinghuys


Dip (HED);

Dip Counselling,

Dip. Life Coaching.

0422 895 832

Skype: annecke4


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